igluefest

when peupel in world think of montreall, dey think "DAM DAT PLACE LOOKZ BORING. OMG DAT SNOW MUST KEEP DEM IN HOUSE FOR 5 YEERZ!!! LOLZ :D !!!!!!@!$!@!!! STUPID MUTHERFOCKERZ ROFL!!"

acturdly, dis iz not true; montraleur mutherfockez go outside during dose 5 yeerz and sometimez even when it iz -52 degreez celsius (-22952degreez fahrineheight) outcyde. dis iz called anti-hibernashion and montrealurds will go to partiez to stay awakez and anti-suicydal.  for dis, dere iz even a party dat takez place outcyde in the cold weether. it iz cauled IGLUEFEST.

igluefest originaturded from 1873, when native indianz went ice phishing while listurdning to microhouse muzik.  the electronik muzik dey listen to eventurdly became eurotechno, but afturd the 90s it waz discovered dat eurotechno iz gay so dey changed back to dubstep and decyded to stop phishing and dance.  by 2004, dey made partiez outcyde in montrael old porte and by 2005 dere waz too many stupid young peupel sniffing glue so dey got apple (STEVE JOBZ) to sponsore it and named it Igluefest (pronunced eye-gloo-fess). den the indyans moved to alaska becoze dat waz cool at the time.  so now igluefest iz only stoopid young peupel sniffyng glue and dancyng to someone's ipod.

iglufest iz cheryshed by all montrealurdz becoz it embracez the retarded!  one way it doez dat iz the awesum one-poopy-piece cuntest, where all porticipantz must ware CRAZZZEEEEE GAYE colourz clothing.  dis recognizez the fact dat igluefest waz in part inventurded by 80's homelesss peupel who were too lazey to takeoff their coatz.

the fun part of igluefess iz, of coarse, the wondurfull weather you will xperience whyle youre dere; -362632 celsius and if you lucky snow or ice rain!! iglufess testz yur survyval skillz dis way.  the tryck iz to keep dancying and looze brain sells to stop feelyng the payne. rememburd to pay the entrance tho; itz 5943942009$$$ dollarz.


dont know the name of the band or dj playing? WHO KARES!!! everibody at iglufesst haz no idea who playz. dey dont even know dey momma name. dey know nothyng, dey juss came becoze deir frendz inviturded dem dere! if you know the dj playing, preetend you dont becoz dat makez you cool and retarded lyke otherz! OOPS your finger fell off becoz of the cold? betturd keep dancyng to keep warm be4 you die! :)

JUSS POUR THE DRYNK GODAM IT!

So much to turd, so little tyme! once the cold really startz to burn, hed to the bar to get a drynk.  drynk it quick; it will be frozen in less dan 0.5 sekondz. drynk it down and keep dancyin'! 


soon youll need to pee!! the cold makez the pee much fasturd to create in bladdurd.  hed over to the toiletz where 50,000 drunk peupel are waytying to pee, poopee, or change maxipad. maybe you juss go pee in corner outside and sum weird guy will be watching you pee; yes, datz one speshiul moment dat happened to me! itz alwayz fun to party wit pervertz! 

tired yet!?!? time to go home and become syck for nexx two weekz.  maybe you lucky and go to hospytal becoz of hippothurmya? man, beying able to dressup az a retard shure made it worff it though!


time to look at the picz of me and my frendz! too bad dat all our facez are red and dere iz wet snot leaking from our nozez, less post dem on faceburk anywayz!!


iglueefess, COME BACK! we myss you already.  you soo purfekly show the retardnyess of us montrealurdz!! oh well, maybe nexx yeer i will looze more fingurs from the cold!! :)

today i am ashaymed

turday i feel asheimed because of a brown accydent.

maybee you may know, but it iz winter now in montreale and the sidewoks are very sippery becauze of the ice. the ice makes everythin very very lubed and it is hard to not fall.

i waz coming black from work where i had eaten lotz of pizza wit much cheezes, and dis gave me lotz of gas!  i felt very very gas inside of me while i waz in the buscar going home. i felt gas wanting to escape the anal lipz but i kept quiet and respected the bus silence.  i kept the fart in very hard place.  :)

howevurd, the ice near my buylding waz very really sippery.  i was woking very fasss and i did not weir my bootz that day.  i had only my running shoez and it waz dangerouz for me with the feet and legz. i had to wok fasss tho because i wanted to fart sooo bad in toilet (privet arrea).

becuz of all this i wok fast and i sipped on the ice. i sipped really really bad and fell extreme on my torsobody.  but the hurt waznt bad; the bad waz the fart that escaped from me.  once i falled the fart eskaped like weazel in the wind! i waz very angry to the fart that did not listen and passed the lips.  i waz very ashaymed and looked if anyone waz to smell or hear it.  there waz no one so i waz so happy.

butt uh-oh!: when i got up i felt wetness in my butthole.. i thought this waz bizarrre and so i became worried of bleed.  howevurd i put my hand and felt somethin bigness!  it was not just fart!!!!1! i had made poop in my pant!!!  i ran home and dropped the pant and the boxerz and looked at the brown! it waz everywheir on legz! i waz so humiliatid! i felt so ashaymed!! i felt shaymed of my mother, my fathurd, and my entire ancestors!

i cleaned it all and waz very angry at the ice the nexx morning! i hate the montreaturd ice soooo much! the montreaturd ice made me poop my pant!!! >:(