bus revieww: the 105

hello deer readurds,

turday's subject iz: THE BUS FROM HELL.

THE BUS FROM HELL, alsso known az the montreal 105 (shurbruke) iz an express bus from hell dat takez you down all 9 levelz of hell, from the hot poopy smelly fire land to the lowest level dat iz all frozen ice creem wit satan.
 

the 105 waz dezigned in 1873 by the same persun who creaturded gay-concordya metro stashion: billy bob bobbett, a homo rednek from texas.  becoz he iz az dumb az a rock, billy bob made a bus line dat iz gay and completelys retarded.  dis made him the montrehaul homo publyc transportashion presidant (the S.T.M., aka suxx too much). hiz catchphrayze iz "i needz new diapur!"
 

so wat iz lyke to ryde bus from hell? well furstly, the 105 iz alwayz full of smelly ugly peupel. the STM hirez homelesss uglyes to make shure dat dere iz never a pretty bus ryde. UGLAY, juss lyke the bus. you will want to burn your eyez afturd ryding dis crap. 

 secuntly, the 105 followz a crazee clock dat jamz and jumpz all the tyme, giving crazeee hourz lyke -43pm and 0.34/56 o'clock. dis makez the nosense of the bus and makez you wait 439841938 hourz at busstop and want to killself! :)
 

u know how in the byble wit jesus dere are 7 sinz?? well here are 7 poop demonz dat you will encounturd in the 105:

1. swetty gym man

he iz big and smellz lyke lawker room. beware of his huge nike bag, it may hit u in the face twice.  he will have trouble breething and ware tyte sweatpantz so everyone can see hiz ballz and peenus.

2. old laydee wit cart

aka the slowest thing in universe, do everything to pass her!  she goes in bus wit GIANT sharpened metal cart wit 2000 smelly plastique bagz insyde.  she will cut you wit cart if youre in the way and take pleazure from it. she smellz lyke dying and will cough everywhere to share fun dizeazes!

3. teen gurl on fone

she iz LOUDD. she will be wit boyfren on her fone and in a fyght wit him.  you will want her to silence but she will keep talking on fone forever. she will be sayin thingz lyke: "ya know" "so lyke" and "whateeevurd"

4. 1,000,000 studentz

get ready for bonez to be krushed to piecez!!! there are 2721 studentz who will enter the bus and krush you wit dere big school bagz. dey will also smell (no deo) and talk EXTRA LOUD, all at the same time.  dey will keep moving and dancing every 2 secondz to krush your feet! dont fite back; dey only kidz. be nice and let the chrildren rape your soul. :)

5. woman wit baby carige

make space! big mama and her baybay have enturd the bus. if you lucky dere will be 3 mamas wit double carriagez (the larger onez wit 2 babiez, side by side). if extra lucky she will also be OBESE AND pregnant wit twinz too (dat iz one heavy mama!!!). she will be hitting everyonez legz as she leavez bus, and it will take her 4 hourz to exit becoze she will keep hitting and getting stuck on sides of door.

6. creepie man

if you woman, get reddy for rape-y! creepie man iz horny and he wantz to lick you.  he iz eazee to find in bus; just look for pair of wyde eyez staring at you.  dat will be him.  dont turn your back or look away becoze he will do horrible thingz when your guard iz down.  oh creepie man, how you make the bus ryde so howkword for womenz and little chrildren.

7. pot smokur

he smellz lyke feet and he will be stumblin everywere! itz the pot smokur and he will be sooooooooooo hy! he will sumtimez spontaneouslie laff out loud.  lyke creepie man, you have to look at eyez to trully know he iz pot smokur; dey will be red lyke demon blood.

well datz it for the ryde! believe it or not, you can survive if you go in corner, go insane and looze cuntciousness! you will never be the same afturd, but at least yull have the wonturdful memoryez! :)

pumping and dumping™

are you tyred of doing butt exercisez but the nothing happenz?? are you alwayz feeleing the long borring of exercisez and den makez just for more food hungray? are you having the troubel of fat or fat-troubled? oh well, dat sux for you. 

but wait! i have sumthing dat will solve alll dis problemz. it iz my patenturded waight loss routine called: PUMPING AND DUMPING™. COPIRYTE © 2012 REGISTURD TRADEMORK. 

so how to do? well furst you need to eat. eat lotz and lotz of food. poutine, pizza, stake, candy, anyting dat will make your stomache very full. when u done, drynk laxotive (the whooole bottle).  YES. den, start pumpying! pump dose mussels! try to avoid exorcizez dat make the contracshion of the stomache becoze dis mite unleesh the bowel!  dont do situpz, or you mite have brown accident.  styck wit eazy stuff. ;)

eventurdly you will start the feel of intestine fullnesss. keep pumpying, even if you have the 'i need to poop' sweatz. keep pumpping as long as possibel.

this iz when step 11 beginz. afturd you did the maximom workourt, it iz now time to poop.  wat makes PUMPING AND DUMPING™ COPIRYTE © 2012 REGISTURD TRADEMORK so effectyce iz the fact dat all the caloriez you burned while exorcizing will now be expelld through the poop! so go to bathroom (if in gym, go to washroom and try to make the shure that no one iz around to hear unleeching).  sit on the turdlet and poop, but make shure to cuntrol it (dont bad dump or over dump!!).  once you pooped, look at it and do heartrate chek (on yourselff, not the poop). dis will somehow tell you how many caloriez you lost!

dis iz a scienticly proven way to loze wayte becoz Dr. Oz talked about it on Opra. rememburd dat once you lost the wayte, it iz very impotent to keep it. herre are sum of the wayz you can keep the slim:
1. act like a douche.

remember the (1) wayz in which you remain the fitness: be a douche, at all timez. dis iz all you need to do in orda to remain free of fayutt.  juss look at the guy in the rite picture az he drinkz the laxotive: he makez shure to be the douche and drink laxotive in public.  dis iz very importint. to be douche, juss be loud, grunt a lot and make fun of weeker peupel.

hopefullee dis helpz you on your jurnee to lozing wayte! rememburd, PUMPING AND DUMPING™ iz the wey to go!!! :D

wotd: montrealol

turday's wurd of the day iz montrealol. :)

montrealol iz a wurd inventurded in 1873 by Poutine Sandwitchez (me!) of the excellenty blog montrealol of amazingnesss. 

montrealol iz a nown. "a montrealol" iz a moment when sumthin funny, stoopid, or retarded happenz in the citty of montrael, quobec, kanada. montrealolz happen ull the time when u live in montreol becoze it iz a city full of "specialnesss".

eg.:

-when u take montreale metro and an olde womyn wit huge metal cart smashez it to ur legz to sit down.

-when ur neighburz listen to celine dion in the very loud and u go beat dem wit canadiens hockey styck.