today i am ashaymed

turday i feel asheimed because of a brown accydent.

maybee you may know, but it iz winter now in montreale and the sidewoks are very sippery becauze of the ice. the ice makes everythin very very lubed and it is hard to not fall.

i waz coming black from work where i had eaten lotz of pizza wit much cheezes, and dis gave me lotz of gas!  i felt very very gas inside of me while i waz in the buscar going home. i felt gas wanting to escape the anal lipz but i kept quiet and respected the bus silence.  i kept the fart in very hard place.  :)

howevurd, the ice near my buylding waz very really sippery.  i was woking very fasss and i did not weir my bootz that day.  i had only my running shoez and it waz dangerouz for me with the feet and legz. i had to wok fasss tho because i wanted to fart sooo bad in toilet (privet arrea).

becuz of all this i wok fast and i sipped on the ice. i sipped really really bad and fell extreme on my torsobody.  but the hurt waznt bad; the bad waz the fart that escaped from me.  once i falled the fart eskaped like weazel in the wind! i waz very angry to the fart that did not listen and passed the lips.  i waz very ashaymed and looked if anyone waz to smell or hear it.  there waz no one so i waz so happy.

butt uh-oh!: when i got up i felt wetness in my butthole.. i thought this waz bizarrre and so i became worried of bleed.  howevurd i put my hand and felt somethin bigness!  it was not just fart!!!!1! i had made poop in my pant!!!  i ran home and dropped the pant and the boxerz and looked at the brown! it waz everywheir on legz! i waz so humiliatid! i felt so ashaymed!! i felt shaymed of my mother, my fathurd, and my entire ancestors!

i cleaned it all and waz very angry at the ice the nexx morning! i hate the montreaturd ice soooo much! the montreaturd ice made me poop my pant!!! >:(

anal ghostz

OMG i am so scarezd!!!

did youz know that theire are scarie ghostz that can hide in yur bumbum? well the answerz is yez.  the name of theze spookey monsterz is ANAL GHOZTS.

http://www.hauntedamericatours.com/ghosthunting/ParanomalSex.php

anal ghostz ezcaping.

in this websyte a womyn tolks about how her husbend has eXtreme diarrhea and poopies/farts a lot, especiallie the bed fartz!  so it is not becauz he is fat and drinkz lots of milk which makes gas before he sleepz, but she thinkz it iz because of an anal ghost that went inzide him and is making mess of his colon!

omg i never knu that so much danger waz in the anus with ghoztz! i will be sooo careful now not to poop in haunted houze!

"A prayer to St. Michael To remove a Anal Ghost: 

† Oh great Angel St. Michael hear my prayer.

Please in your divine justice and wisdom remove this ghost that infest my bowels and anus.

Remove this foul ghost from me as you did the Devil from Heaven.

In your wisdom bless me and free me from this evil affliction now and forever. 

† Amen"

wotd: Xmax

turday's word of the day is Xmax :)

"Xmax is a bit like Christmas, but not religious. It is the Xtreme version of Xmas and is way cooler. It is possible to celebrate Xmax inadvertantly, so if you're having quite a lot of fun at Xmas and nobody's talking about the baby Jesus, then you're probably celebrating Xmax. Don't worry tho, Xmax is much better."

eg: "I can't believe it's December 25th again so quickly"

"Yeh, I know. Thanks for this amazing present by the way, it's much better than any Xmas present i've had before!"
"That's cos it's an Xmax present dude! Merry Xmax"

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Xmax&defid=2860039

GOOGEL & gougle URTH

today i will explain guogle

so whatz the google? itz glasses wit a strap & deyre thick, dem airplane pilots usez them.  but geugle iz also an internet thang, which means itz a part of senaturd steven's series of tubez (if you dont know wat the internet is, ted stevens explainz it realll good):

so what it iz the google iz itz a thing dat you type wordz into and it bringz you other wordz.  sometimes you can type a word like retarded and it will give you even more retarded wordz.  whatever you type in, google will make it more intense for you:

secuntly, the words google makes can bring you to other websitez.  you can press the 'im feeling lucky' button too and dat will trigger the CRAZEEYNESS!  itz intense

the google waz inventurdted in US, which meanz itz reelly hi-tech and sophistiretarded. just look at dat colored logo, it lookz like a gay clown who threw up the alphabet! weeuuu! it haz to keep looking retarded though, because itz in competition wit another gay retarded websitez called YAHOOO!:

the fun thing iz dat you NEED to uze eithurd geugle or yahew, two kindergarden crazy websitez, in order to find the internet websytez.  itz lyke walking around a shopping mall, and having a retarded clown farting at you while you tried to shop for thingz. 

turdly, the best thing about google is how it OWNZES the internet.  it ownz youtube and BLOGGER/aka blogspots, WHICH MEANS THAT GOOGLE IS REALLY GOOD AND I LIKES IT.  it also owns THE URTH, a progrum that makes you go outside.  GOOGLE URTH is important because its a good excuse to tell momma when she tells you to leave the computurd. just show her URTH and be like "but mommy i AM outside!"  shell probably laugh and youll laugh too and it will be a soft & tender family moment, brought to yall by the googles peoples yall!!! :D

i sumtimez wander if ill get to be photograffed by the geugle car one day, and be on the urth.  id really like to be part of dat planet.

i think ill start my ownz billion$$ websight called WOOWOO or YAYYAY. iz gonna be much betturd than google and yahoo, and at least 10000X more retarded.  that way i will get to control the internut and make everyone cum on this blog.  :-)

vid: shoe licky

werk it

engrish: tastee menu

dem chinese, make menu sound so delicioush!

http://www.engrish.com/2011/12/dont-say-i-didnt-warn-you/

da vinegar laydee

i met the VINEGAR LADEE turday in the buss.  she waz REALLLLLL PRETTAY.  she waz olde and had my favouritez crackly plastique dollarstorre bagz!!! I LUV dose bagz becuz  dey break open as soone az u walk out da doorr, dat way all 1$ itemz u bought fall on ground and brake into piecez!! DOLLARAMA plaztique bagg for the winn!!

she waz sitting by the bus window, all prettay.  thhe noizy bag i likez so much waz rubbin' gainst her purple pant; butt the bag waz stufffed wit a sofa cushiyon. it waz deeep in derre, making sure there aint no drip, ya know? in da bag. im positits there was a drip tho, even though i couldnt smell anithyng but VINIGGER. im shure the drip of the bag was VINIGGER. perhapz she bathez wit, or likez to put in her krusty gray hayr.  eithurd way, everyone waz gettin' high off vineggear fumez. it waz smelly hawt!

i waz very inturdrested when sudinly she took outt a klinex tishue piaper and waz making weird noizez! she rubbed de klynex against the dirrrty buss window, remooving the waturd condenshashion.  she waz rubbin it everiwere across the window, even in thoze krusty gunky old cornerz where da muck buildz up. when she took the klyenex off, it waz browny & dirtsnot poopie-like!

unexpecturdly, she putt the kleyenex againstz her hair.  she waz wiping her hayr wit it.  the kleienex waz breaking apart but she kept rubbing it against her head, against her hayr.  some of the hayr turned brown like the kleenex.  she keept rubbing until the kleeynex waz all torn apart.  wen she waz done rubbying it, she stuffed it wit the cu$hion in the bag.

she den got up and started gesturdring at the driver and making retarded noizez. i think it waz becuz she pooped!  she took her plaztique bag and box-like stained purse and did a walk-run to the back busdoor, grabbing on to the barz wit her skinnay veinay spottay white handz wit long nailz.  the doorz opened, and she got off the buss.  the important thing iz dat her smell stayed.  i luv u, stinky dollabag vinegar lady. dont leave me without ur putrid scent ever again.

Very BLAQUE names

guyz:  Weezy - Jrock - Loony - Krayzee - Chimpy - Dickfeety - Tyrone - Dolla - Jokshan - Shyny - Fantazy - Jigga - Crakka - Coony - Blacky - Blakkassian - Jazzy - Stinka - Slinkey - Monky - Squishy - Jaquizz - Hot Sawce - Tastee

womenz:  Peaches - Candi - Silquia - Pryncess - Sony - Cumquisha - Urina - Cash'Monae - Hotpeppa - Leukemia - Chyna - Pontiac - Queefa - Chickeneesha - Pokeesha - Banana - Porscha - Crayola - Duanita - Mysstyx - Chickeena - Waneeka - Chabreeka - Asia - Nia - L'Tonya - Anal'Jectalia - Juicy - Abortia

wotd: buysexual

turday's wurd of the day is buysexual  :)

"Someone who gets turned on by, or derives sexual pleasure from, shopping, or being taken shopping."

eg:

(1) Taneequah: Yo, Shaneequah ain't gettin' none, so she went out to the mall and picked up 23 new outfits and a X-Box.
Sharonda: You trippin'. That bitch be buysexual all up in herrrrrrre.
(2) Chad: I say, I do believe Edward took Muffy out shopping for jewelry this past week-end, at the conclusion of which, she did give up the booty.
Sheldon: Mmm, QUITE the buysexual, wouldn't you say?

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=buysexual&defid=4448181

POOP

iznt it inturdresting how no matturd who you are in montreale, POOP iz wut connekts us alll?  rememburd dat even tho u may be stoopid, ur poop touches the poop of thousandz of othurd people, and dis makez u speciallll!!!

wotd: montrealol

turday's wurd of the day iz montrealol. :)

montrealol iz a wurd inventurded in 1873 by Poutine Sandwitchez (me!) of the excellenty blog montrealol of amazingnesss. 

montrealol iz a nown. "a montrealol" iz a moment when sumthin funny, stoopid, or retarded happenz in the citty of montrael, quobec, kanada. montrealolz happen ull the time when u live in montreol becoze it iz a city full of "specialnesss".

eg.:

-when u take montreale metro and an olde womyn wit huge metal cart smashez it to ur legz to sit down.

-when ur neighburz listen to celine dion in the very loud and u go beat dem wit canadiens hockey styck.

mOnTREaL!!!

montreaturd is the city where i have life.

woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!

so wut is a montreal?

a montreal is a city in QUOBEQ, CANADHA.  montrael is an ISLAND, meaning dat the peuple inside are doomed if bridges stop existurding, which iz whats slowly happenin becuz of their strucktural failiure.  it is a city with a population of 325,218,534,377,309,873.51524 peopel.

montreul is  a mosstly FRENCH city, so the people are juss as bitchy az people from FRANCE.  near the west, in NDG, which iz wheir i live, people are ENGLESH. dere are lotz of old peupel in montreale and everyone eatz poutine! poutine iz french friez with gravy and cheeze. itz the bestest thing eva.

the presant mayeur of montreul iz GERALDO TREMBLE and he iz old.  he haz no lipz. he soo seriouz!

dere iz lotz of special thingz in montreal, like de giant retarded UFO wit an erection. for 15DOLLA u can go into the penis and look downe at de vagina of the ufo. iz not worff it.

montreale alsso haz a volcano called Maunt-Royale. dis iz the burthplace of Royale toilet paper.  mount royale iz very fun and biutiful.

so come to montreale becuz paris iz too far! we have lotz to offer and take from you, so come on over!