igluefest

when peupel in world think of montreall, dey think "DAM DAT PLACE LOOKZ BORING. OMG DAT SNOW MUST KEEP DEM IN HOUSE FOR 5 YEERZ!!! LOLZ :D !!!!!!@!$!@!!! STUPID MUTHERFOCKERZ ROFL!!"

acturdly, dis iz not true; montraleur mutherfockez go outside during dose 5 yeerz and sometimez even when it iz -52 degreez celsius (-22952degreez fahrineheight) outcyde. dis iz called anti-hibernashion and montrealurds will go to partiez to stay awakez and anti-suicydal.  for dis, dere iz even a party dat takez place outcyde in the cold weether. it iz cauled IGLUEFEST.

igluefest originaturded from 1873, when native indianz went ice phishing while listurdning to microhouse muzik.  the electronik muzik dey listen to eventurdly became eurotechno, but afturd the 90s it waz discovered dat eurotechno iz gay so dey changed back to dubstep and decyded to stop phishing and dance.  by 2004, dey made partiez outcyde in montrael old porte and by 2005 dere waz too many stupid young peupel sniffing glue so dey got apple (STEVE JOBZ) to sponsore it and named it Igluefest (pronunced eye-gloo-fess). den the indyans moved to alaska becoze dat waz cool at the time.  so now igluefest iz only stoopid young peupel sniffyng glue and dancyng to someone's ipod.

iglufest iz cheryshed by all montrealurdz becoz it embracez the retarded!  one way it doez dat iz the awesum one-poopy-piece cuntest, where all porticipantz must ware CRAZZZEEEEE GAYE colourz clothing.  dis recognizez the fact dat igluefest waz in part inventurded by 80's homelesss peupel who were too lazey to takeoff their coatz.

the fun part of igluefess iz, of coarse, the wondurfull weather you will xperience whyle youre dere; -362632 celsius and if you lucky snow or ice rain!! iglufess testz yur survyval skillz dis way.  the tryck iz to keep dancying and looze brain sells to stop feelyng the payne. rememburd to pay the entrance tho; itz 5943942009$$$ dollarz.


dont know the name of the band or dj playing? WHO KARES!!! everibody at iglufesst haz no idea who playz. dey dont even know dey momma name. dey know nothyng, dey juss came becoze deir frendz inviturded dem dere! if you know the dj playing, preetend you dont becoz dat makez you cool and retarded lyke otherz! OOPS your finger fell off becoz of the cold? betturd keep dancyng to keep warm be4 you die! :)

JUSS POUR THE DRYNK GODAM IT!

So much to turd, so little tyme! once the cold really startz to burn, hed to the bar to get a drynk.  drynk it quick; it will be frozen in less dan 0.5 sekondz. drynk it down and keep dancyin'! 


soon youll need to pee!! the cold makez the pee much fasturd to create in bladdurd.  hed over to the toiletz where 50,000 drunk peupel are waytying to pee, poopee, or change maxipad. maybe you juss go pee in corner outside and sum weird guy will be watching you pee; yes, datz one speshiul moment dat happened to me! itz alwayz fun to party wit pervertz! 

tired yet!?!? time to go home and become syck for nexx two weekz.  maybe you lucky and go to hospytal becoz of hippothurmya? man, beying able to dressup az a retard shure made it worff it though!


time to look at the picz of me and my frendz! too bad dat all our facez are red and dere iz wet snot leaking from our nozez, less post dem on faceburk anywayz!!


iglueefess, COME BACK! we myss you already.  you soo purfekly show the retardnyess of us montrealurdz!! oh well, maybe nexx yeer i will looze more fingurs from the cold!! :)

wotd: hiberdating

turday's wurd of the day iz hiberdating :) 

"Verb - Someone who ignores all their other friends when they are dating a boyfriend/girlfriend"

eg.: I haven't seen or heard from Jennifer since she started hiberdating Teddy four months ago.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Hiberdating

pumping and dumping™

are you tyred of doing butt exercisez but the nothing happenz?? are you alwayz feeleing the long borring of exercisez and den makez just for more food hungray? are you having the troubel of fat or fat-troubled? oh well, dat sux for you. 

but wait! i have sumthing dat will solve alll dis problemz. it iz my patenturded waight loss routine called: PUMPING AND DUMPING™. COPIRYTE © 2012 REGISTURD TRADEMORK. 

so how to do? well furst you need to eat. eat lotz and lotz of food. poutine, pizza, stake, candy, anyting dat will make your stomache very full. when u done, drynk laxotive (the whooole bottle).  YES. den, start pumpying! pump dose mussels! try to avoid exorcizez dat make the contracshion of the stomache becoze dis mite unleesh the bowel!  dont do situpz, or you mite have brown accident.  styck wit eazy stuff. ;)

eventurdly you will start the feel of intestine fullnesss. keep pumpying, even if you have the 'i need to poop' sweatz. keep pumpping as long as possibel.

this iz when step 11 beginz. afturd you did the maximom workourt, it iz now time to poop.  wat makes PUMPING AND DUMPING™ COPIRYTE © 2012 REGISTURD TRADEMORK so effectyce iz the fact dat all the caloriez you burned while exorcizing will now be expelld through the poop! so go to bathroom (if in gym, go to washroom and try to make the shure that no one iz around to hear unleeching).  sit on the turdlet and poop, but make shure to cuntrol it (dont bad dump or over dump!!).  once you pooped, look at it and do heartrate chek (on yourselff, not the poop). dis will somehow tell you how many caloriez you lost!

dis iz a scienticly proven way to loze wayte becoz Dr. Oz talked about it on Opra. rememburd dat once you lost the wayte, it iz very impotent to keep it. herre are sum of the wayz you can keep the slim:
1. act like a douche.

remember the (1) wayz in which you remain the fitness: be a douche, at all timez. dis iz all you need to do in orda to remain free of fayutt.  juss look at the guy in the rite picture az he drinkz the laxotive: he makez shure to be the douche and drink laxotive in public.  dis iz very importint. to be douche, juss be loud, grunt a lot and make fun of weeker peupel.

hopefullee dis helpz you on your jurnee to lozing wayte! rememburd, PUMPING AND DUMPING™ iz the wey to go!!! :D

witch montreaul plow are u??

dere are sooo many diffrent typez of snowplowz here in montreale, and yesturday i wondurd: witch type of snowplow am i? and more impotantly, deer readurd, which snowplow are YOU??

pedestryan crushy

krushez who walkz aroundz it and iz alsso very very slow, so itz maybe of the betturd idea to cross the road to uze othurd sidewok.

traffik jamma

montrealurd's favoryte snowplow becuz itz  the one that drivez the most retarded. alsso wakez you up at 3am from your window wit itz butt beeps. 

 

bigdaddy

big monster plow dat killz all snow. it then storez the snow in itz butt and smashez car side mirrors to peices. 

 

lil' faggy

a smallurd verzion of the pedestryan crushee dat movez poopie snow out of sidewok. this iz the most homosexual, so montrealurdz like it. it iz more stoopid than the crushee becoze it cleanz invisible snow.   ghostz snow iz scaree!

sista squirter

suckz and swalloz snow lyke prostitute. it has many ejaculationz and shootz snow in all direccions, hitting everyonez face and juss teazing of removing snow. peupel think dis iz the sexyest.

squirta & bigdaddy combo sexscene

the squirta/bigdaddy combo iz the most effectyve but controvershial plowyng mettod becoze the squirtationz of snow go into bigdaddy's butt. laturd, bigdaddy will take megadump in a park and krush chrildren wit it. 

so if i waz a snowplow, i think it would be the lil faggy becoze itz the most retarded of all! :)  yayyyyyy for snow and the ulltimate magyke of plowz!!